Dial M for murder

For some time ago a friend of mine was complaining about her ex-husband who made her life a living hell. As a good friend I offered to fix the ex-husband for 50.000 kr. She was not laughing at all, but got kind of excited and said that no one would wonder about his early death him spending so much time at Nørrebro.

Well, I have been thinking about this new career opportunity and I think I could be a really good hit woman. I would simply persuade the ex-husband in a dark ally, make it impossible for him to escape, and then just start talking. After 20 minutes he would be bored to death (I could always read Hanan Ashrawi’s biography loud if any special effects were required) and I had left no traces behind me.

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Yesterday I told my movie-buddy about my new career plans, and she said that I could also take care of her husband. We usually meet half an hour before the film to discuss our husbands, competing whose husband is the worst one; laziest, most reckless, most stupid and most ignorant. I could see that if her husband must go, I would also have to kill my husband. But my husband has grown immune to my babbling, how on earth I am going to kill him without leaving traces? Then my movie-buddy reminded me about her access to medicine and the problem was solved.

But…if we really kill our husbands, what the hell are we going to talk about the half an hour before the movie starts? Who are we going to blame for the misery we have to go through every day? No more e-mails in the morning starting with “Hear now what my idiot of a husband did yesterday….” What kind of life would that be? Totally empty. No way, we agreed to stick to these lazy asses, the substance of our existence.