Women and driving

Men always have plenty of prejudicial comments about women and driving. Even that the statistics show that men are involved considerably more in car accidents than women, they somehow manage to ignore this fact. For me, my husband is the second best driver in the world, just after Kimi Räikkönen, the Finnish Formel 1 driver. Räikkönen being Finnish has nothing to do with patriotism, he just is very good (everyone knowing me can assure that I would never miss an opportunity to backstab my fellow citizens). But for my big fortune, my husband made a major fuck-up with our rental car this summer in France. This was so bad that he will never, I repeat never, comment my driving again. The Portuguese maid from next door run out and in one minute she managed to mention at least 120 catholic saints while turning hysterically around and making an impressing amount of signs of the cross. Well, she is a woman and therefore can multitask. No men, you cannot multitask, sitting at the toilet and reading a newspaper at the same time is not multitasking.

Thanks to the camera in my mobile phone, I now have plenty of evidence of my husband’s misfortune, and even a short video showing how my usually always calm husband in frustration tries to strangle the Portuguese maid. I don't think I'll ever need to use this evidence, it has been enough just mentioning, "Do you remember...."

I am myself a fairly good driver, never had any accidents involving human beings. I have though some problems when I have to back the car from our garage, as the garage is on top of a big mountain (as Denmark is a flat country everything rising more than 5 degrees is a mountain) and the drive-way is very narrow. I have a mail box on the left side and a trash bin on the right side and somehow these attract with magnetic force our car. I have hit both objects several times (but only one at time), but sometimes I also manage to reverse whole way down and not touching either one. Now my husband has attached thick rubber tires on both side of the car, this he says is to protect me if I hit the mailbox too hard. Is he stupid or something? Our car is quite new and has side airbags to protect me. But not wanting to embarrass him because of his poor knowledge of our car, I say nothing.

Unfortunately my bad luck with the reverse gear also invites our male neighbors out of their couches as soon as they hear I open the garage door. They entertain themselves watching how I do my best avoiding as usual the mailbox and the trash bin. The other day I experienced an unpleasant change in these gentlemen's normally just silly staring. I could see on the rear mirror that there was money being exchanged between them, and lively pointing left and right. My god, they are betting which one I will hit this time ! I got so mad, I decided to show them. When I backed the car out, I deliberately first hit the trash bin on the right side, then made a skilful zig zag maneuver to the left and hit the mailbox. I bet they didn’t see that coming!