Too fat to die ?

Danes don’t have many problems; in fact the only problem they have is not having any problems. So the media must find problems amongst the dead people. Now they have found out that many Danes are too fat when they die and don’t fit in standard size coffins. Yes, we have a crisis in Denmark; Anders Fogh should call for state of emergency. Who cares if there is a major conflict in Georgia with tens of thousands of refugees and 2000 casualties? This kind of news has very little chance hitting the Danish newspaper headlines. Maybe if they find out that there also was an Ossetian offer that was too fat and now they cannot find a coffin big enough, not in Georgia nor in Russia ? Maybe then we have this news on the front page: “Ossetian casualty too fat for a coffin”, and as usual, ordinary people on the street are asked if Denmark should contribute humanitarian aid by sending a special made coffin to the fat dead Ossetian.

(And just one serious comment; what really bugs me is that we are left with Western pro-Georgia news on television and if I try to get wiser and get a second opinion from “Russia Today’s” news, I just get Russian propaganda. This conflict has been going on for hundreds of years and these latest tensions started for almost 20 years ago; why don't these Ossetians just shut up ?)

But what are we going to do with these too fat Danes? I could read that the family members are devastated when they find out that their dead father or aunt is simply too fat. Can that be such a big surprise? If it is, maybe you didn’t visit your dad or auntie the last 20 years. Now these families must order special size coffins and unfortunately these oversized coffins don’t fit in the doors of the old village churches or the crematory ovens. The journalist interviews a daughter who with tears in her eyes tells about his father’s last wish; he wanted to be cremated but he simply is too fat. Yes, we all feel her pain. Houston, we have a problem !

But don’t worry, families for fat dead people, I can see a fantastic business opportunity in this. I will start a clinic for “Liposuction for fat dead people”. As they are already dead, I don’t think I will need any authorization, just some equipment (I guess they come with instructions?). And if something goes wrong, what is the worst thing that can happen? So no need to order a special size coffin anymore and the funeral can be held in the same village church where Aunt Karen got married for 50 years ago. And the before so oversized auntie is looking better than ever.

I will take this idea to the States, I am gonna be rich.