Misunderstandings

In Kundera’s Unbearable Lightness of Being there is passage about misunderstood words, how Franz and Sabina interpret situations or things totally differently. Well, we all know this from our daily lives. How you maybe think that sex is fun but your husband thinks it is the same as running marathon; something he would never do unless he was threatened with a shotgun.

I think I have misinterpreted my boss, I suspect she is in love with me. When I now think about all the things she has done for me, sending flowers, paying for my expensive dinners and my French studies. And when I told her that I want to have Fridays off, she said “Okay”. Then I told her I want to work at home on Tuesdays, again she said “Okay”. Then I added that the days I am at the office I want to leave at 2 pm. “Okay”, she says. “I also want a considerable salary raise”, I add. “Don’t push it!”

I told my boss about all the things I have been selling on dba.dk (people buy ANYTHING!), and my boss suggested that I also sell my husband. Yes she did. What else can this be that she is in love with me? Does she know about my lesbian fantasy, Juliette Binoche? Impossible. But maybe she got that impression at our company Christmas party. It is not my fault that we have no hetero guys left, I had to kiss the girls instead. Just for fun though (and Heaven this is your fault, you started). Well, it was fun until one of the girls REALLY kissed me back, that scared the hell out of me. Even I at this point was very affected by vodka, thanks to the sweet & shy IT guy, there was something telling me that the only person allowed to kiss me is George Clooney. And this girl wasn’t George Clooney, but someone George would probably date (I have many beautiful colleagues).

What can I do? When I get back to the office, I must convince my boss that I am a hetero woman, she has no chance. I know! When the IT guy comes by, I persuade him to come to the storage room with me, he can’t refuse when he sees the handcuffs and the whipped cream. I tell a colleague to send my boss over to “surprise” us, and won’t she just get the message? But what will I do if she asks: “Can I join you?”?