... is what I do.
Haven't listen to Motown for years, thanks Mr P.
PS. I am wondering what kind of feeling you are talking about; the nausea being together with a woman you being gay? “I only get this feeling when I know you won’t say no”????
søndag den 31. maj 2009
lørdag den 30. maj 2009
Facebook and old acquaintances
I am not obviously the only one not having a life and looking for old lovers on Facebook. I just got a mail from Tennant the time-traveller, the boyfriend I found in bed with another girl once. Time-traveller? Yes, he always used to say that if I ever got pregnant, we should get married. Being only 20 years old I found this totally weird and figured out that he must have been Austen’s Mr Darcy who accidentally had landed on 20th century thinking this was the way it still works.
Tennant the time-traveller wondered if I remembered him. Obviously he is suffering from a severe memory loss; I guess if a boyfriend had found me in bed with another guy, I would remember this rest of my life.
What can I answer to him? I am considering two possibilities:
“If I remember? I am quite sure you don’t remember. I am not one of those girls you cheated your girlfriend with. I am the girlfriend you cheated on!”
Or
“Hm, doesn’t really ring a bell. Or maybe a little bit anyway, I guess you are one of the billion boyfriends I have found in bed with another girl. Am I getting close?”
Tennant the time-traveller wondered if I remembered him. Obviously he is suffering from a severe memory loss; I guess if a boyfriend had found me in bed with another guy, I would remember this rest of my life.
What can I answer to him? I am considering two possibilities:
“If I remember? I am quite sure you don’t remember. I am not one of those girls you cheated your girlfriend with. I am the girlfriend you cheated on!”
Or
“Hm, doesn’t really ring a bell. Or maybe a little bit anyway, I guess you are one of the billion boyfriends I have found in bed with another girl. Am I getting close?”
fredag den 29. maj 2009
What do you know?
I thought that I knew Mr P very well being quite intimate with him for a century ago. But in fact I knew very few things about him besides that he really is the best kisser in the world (I have tested many men in my life, can’t think anyone better) and that he loves tennis.
I think our intimacy back then was very much concentrated on these two topics. The past two days I have learned more about him than during my teenage years. For example he has read more Pamuk books than me and he sees Jean Luc Goddard films. I wouldn’t have guessed that in million years.
I also learned that he in fact is gay. Last night he was talking with such affection about his male colleague, Juha, and he didn’t even try to have sex with me.
PS. Gay or not, he will always be my Tomas and I will always be his Sabina. The totally bearable lightness of being!
PSS. Gay or not, he still is the most romantic guy to spend evening with (even he NEVER has been romantic in writing!).
PSSS. Gay or not, he still makes me laugh.
PSSSS. Gay or not, my blog makes him laugh.
I think our intimacy back then was very much concentrated on these two topics. The past two days I have learned more about him than during my teenage years. For example he has read more Pamuk books than me and he sees Jean Luc Goddard films. I wouldn’t have guessed that in million years.
I also learned that he in fact is gay. Last night he was talking with such affection about his male colleague, Juha, and he didn’t even try to have sex with me.
PS. Gay or not, he will always be my Tomas and I will always be his Sabina. The totally bearable lightness of being!
PSS. Gay or not, he still is the most romantic guy to spend evening with (even he NEVER has been romantic in writing!).
PSSS. Gay or not, he still makes me laugh.
PSSSS. Gay or not, my blog makes him laugh.
On a date with Mr P or the unbearable lightness of being
Mr P, probably the best kisser in the world, is, as I have written earlier, a man who has never made me miserable. He was always a source of pure joy and happiness, and I must say, he still is. At least if I keep it to a selected part of our conversation from yesterday:
Mr P: I must say you don’t disappoint me; I have always said that being with you was DIFFERENT…
(…like the choice of this restaurant. What on earth am I eating?)
Mr P: Back then I was totally crazy about you. You could have asked me to make a salto mortale, and I had done it.
(Me: I want to see that salto mortale, show it to me now.)
(Mr P: Now? Now I am just wondering how the heck I could have been so crazy about you back then.)
Mr P: I used to love your butt, but your breasts, wow! I must admit that when I saw you at the hotel lobby, I right away undressed you in my imagination.
(Me: If you invite me to your hotel room, I let you see my breasts.)
(Mr P: Øh, hm, sorry, not interested. I said that I undressed you….)
Remember? I don't really.
Mr P: I must say you don’t disappoint me; I have always said that being with you was DIFFERENT…
(…like the choice of this restaurant. What on earth am I eating?)
Mr P: Back then I was totally crazy about you. You could have asked me to make a salto mortale, and I had done it.
(Me: I want to see that salto mortale, show it to me now.)
(Mr P: Now? Now I am just wondering how the heck I could have been so crazy about you back then.)
Mr P: I used to love your butt, but your breasts, wow! I must admit that when I saw you at the hotel lobby, I right away undressed you in my imagination.
(Me: If you invite me to your hotel room, I let you see my breasts.)
(Mr P: Øh, hm, sorry, not interested. I said that I undressed you….)
Remember? I don't really.
torsdag den 28. maj 2009
Movies
JB wrote that there are practically no movies that are worth seeing from the 80’s. This is how ever the decade I spent a lot of time in cinema and even I agree that many of these films were bad (films I fell asleep to, or if the company was good, spent time in other things at than watching the film), there are also plenty of good films that I actually saw. The following ones are some I clearly remember being wonderful:
37,2 le matin
Le grand bleu
Le père noël est une ordure
Once upon time in America
A room with a view
New York stories
The French Lietenant's woman
Sophie's choice
Amadeus
Gandhi
Chariots of fire
Fanny and Alexander
Ran
My left foot
Hannah and her sisters
Trois hommes et un couffin
Le Déclin de l'empire américain
Camille Claudel
Driving Miss Daisy
Dangerous liaisons
The elephant man
And of course my favorite ones with Harrison:
I even bought a hat and a whip at Universal Studios being so into Indy’s adventures. Oh, now I get it, the nickname, Ms Domina…
37,2 le matin
Le grand bleu
Le père noël est une ordure
Once upon time in America
A room with a view
New York stories
The French Lietenant's woman
Sophie's choice
Amadeus
Gandhi
Chariots of fire
Fanny and Alexander
Ran
My left foot
Hannah and her sisters
Trois hommes et un couffin
Le Déclin de l'empire américain
Camille Claudel
Driving Miss Daisy
Dangerous liaisons
The elephant man
And of course my favorite ones with Harrison:
I even bought a hat and a whip at Universal Studios being so into Indy’s adventures. Oh, now I get it, the nickname, Ms Domina…
Carte de fidelité
I can’t make 200 people to laugh with a joke but I can make one French lady to laugh. When I was in Paris I went to cinema, and the lady asked me if I wanted une carte de fidelité. I said that sure, then I can always prove my husband I have been faithful in Paris.
Auchhhh....
Try to tell a joke to 200 people; it is not sure at all they will laugh. But fall on your butt in attempt to run backwards, and all the 200 suckers will certainly laugh. I don’t know why I volunteered to play “Høvdingebold - adults against children” at the school party, but I know that my butt really hurts.
What do I care that everybody laughed, as thanks I also teached the audience some very important Finnish words. But what pisses me off, is that my butt hurts so bad that I cannot si
t down. Thank God I have an adjustable desk at the office and I can stand up, but what am I going to do tonight during the dinner with Mr P? I cannot dine sitting down, I must lie down. But there aren’t any restaurants with divan dining in Copenhagen; I guess the only solution is room service at Mr P’s hotel. And I am in fact very trained in lying on Mr P’s bed, this used to be my favorite occupation when I was 18 (LISTENING TO MUSIC!!). It will be fun to see if lying on Mr P’s bed is like riding a bike; if you once have learned it, you never forget how to do it.
What do I care that everybody laughed, as thanks I also teached the audience some very important Finnish words. But what pisses me off, is that my butt hurts so bad that I cannot si
t down. Thank God I have an adjustable desk at the office and I can stand up, but what am I going to do tonight during the dinner with Mr P? I cannot dine sitting down, I must lie down. But there aren’t any restaurants with divan dining in Copenhagen; I guess the only solution is room service at Mr P’s hotel. And I am in fact very trained in lying on Mr P’s bed, this used to be my favorite occupation when I was 18 (LISTENING TO MUSIC!!). It will be fun to see if lying on Mr P’s bed is like riding a bike; if you once have learned it, you never forget how to do it.
onsdag den 27. maj 2009
Ras-le-bol 2
Thise Gul Kornblomst, probably the best butter in the world.
This is how serious my ras-le-bol is. I am definitely in need of therapy or I will start writing about what I am going to have for dinner.
This is how serious my ras-le-bol is. I am definitely in need of therapy or I will start writing about what I am going to have for dinner.
Ras-le-bol
”Husband, I have an awful ras-le-bol, I don’t want to work anymore.”
“Have you been looking for a new work, then?”
“I said that I don’t want to work, I don’t want to replace this ras-le bol with just another one.”
“Well, you can’t make a living without doing anything, wife.”
“I have heard that one can make a living by blogging.”
“You little brain (I don’t even get offended when my husband calls me this, I am just happy that something with me is petit), you cannot make a living by blogging when you only have 3 readers; the weird Danish one, the even weirder Taiwanese one and the weirdest of them all, the gauloise.”
“How much money I have to make, big brain (my husband is also happy I call him this, at least one thing with him is big, too)?”
“Little brain, I need you to contribute with 3000 Euros every month to keep our economy going.”
“Okay, I will ask my three readers to pay me 1000 Euros each per month.”
“Have you been looking for a new work, then?”
“I said that I don’t want to work, I don’t want to replace this ras-le bol with just another one.”
“Well, you can’t make a living without doing anything, wife.”
“I have heard that one can make a living by blogging.”
“You little brain (I don’t even get offended when my husband calls me this, I am just happy that something with me is petit), you cannot make a living by blogging when you only have 3 readers; the weird Danish one, the even weirder Taiwanese one and the weirdest of them all, the gauloise.”
“How much money I have to make, big brain (my husband is also happy I call him this, at least one thing with him is big, too)?”
“Little brain, I need you to contribute with 3000 Euros every month to keep our economy going.”
“Okay, I will ask my three readers to pay me 1000 Euros each per month.”
tirsdag den 26. maj 2009
From Ms Domina...
How on earth did I get that nick name? Quite an achievement on communicating by mail only.
Awfulness of modern technology
In the old days when someone was out of your life, he really was gone for good. Especially if you had burned all his letters. I don’t know what kind of masochism makes me look after old lovers (probably not really having a life anymore?) but not finding my Jewish lover on facebook, I decided to google him.
And I did find Frank, I also found his band. They had put their weird music on internet; why God, why? I was laughing loud, poor guys, was life treating them that badly?
But as the old proverb says, deep laughter leads to tears. Maybe the over 20 year’s old funny music made me laugh, but getting updated with Frank made me cry. He had become the vice president of a big international IT company; I could read everything from his career the past 20 years. God dammit, you Jewish drummer boy, you could have told me that you were serious about your future. That life for you wasn’t only Jonasz, your ridiculous band and Hanukkah. That you in fact could have offered me a life only playing tennis and drinking champagne. Then, I swear I would have been so true to you.
This time he really pisses me off. I am going to send him a mail now, telling him how his jealousy was totally for reason. How being with Frederic was million times more fun, how Emmanuel was billion times more romantic and how sex with Aurelio was trillion times better. And I will ask him to send me a check of 1.000.030 Euros. The 30 Euros covering for the Chanel lipstick he used for writing his farewell note on my mirror at, and the million Euros covering for the two weeks’ heart ache of being dumped.
Or maybe I for once should demonstrate a little patience. Frank is obviously very ambitious, so one day he will be the CEO of that company. He is also the only person I know more embarrassing things about than he does about me (this is the reason I have struggled against success and wealth; people would stand in line to blackmail me).
Frank being the CEO, my check will be doubled. But I will keep low profile with my 2 million Euros, thinking about all the people waiting to blackmail me…
(Is having BB as my tennis pro keeping low profile?)
And I did find Frank, I also found his band. They had put their weird music on internet; why God, why? I was laughing loud, poor guys, was life treating them that badly?
But as the old proverb says, deep laughter leads to tears. Maybe the over 20 year’s old funny music made me laugh, but getting updated with Frank made me cry. He had become the vice president of a big international IT company; I could read everything from his career the past 20 years. God dammit, you Jewish drummer boy, you could have told me that you were serious about your future. That life for you wasn’t only Jonasz, your ridiculous band and Hanukkah. That you in fact could have offered me a life only playing tennis and drinking champagne. Then, I swear I would have been so true to you.
This time he really pisses me off. I am going to send him a mail now, telling him how his jealousy was totally for reason. How being with Frederic was million times more fun, how Emmanuel was billion times more romantic and how sex with Aurelio was trillion times better. And I will ask him to send me a check of 1.000.030 Euros. The 30 Euros covering for the Chanel lipstick he used for writing his farewell note on my mirror at, and the million Euros covering for the two weeks’ heart ache of being dumped.
Or maybe I for once should demonstrate a little patience. Frank is obviously very ambitious, so one day he will be the CEO of that company. He is also the only person I know more embarrassing things about than he does about me (this is the reason I have struggled against success and wealth; people would stand in line to blackmail me).
Frank being the CEO, my check will be doubled. But I will keep low profile with my 2 million Euros, thinking about all the people waiting to blackmail me…
(Is having BB as my tennis pro keeping low profile?)
mandag den 25. maj 2009
Postal madness
Two weeks ago I ordered a little, thin book on internet; I had to pay 25 kr for the freight. Last week I ordered a vacuum cleaner on internet, this time I had to pay 30 kr in freight.
Today I ordered a space shuttle on internet; I have to pay 35 kr for the freight.
(I had to order the space shuttle to get an astronaut costume, they are not sold separately. So Thursday night, Dark Waiter being fully booked, I will look very petite inside my astronaut suit when meeting Mr P. How can I create the weightlessness around me to really make the point?)
Today I ordered a space shuttle on internet; I have to pay 35 kr for the freight.
(I had to order the space shuttle to get an astronaut costume, they are not sold separately. So Thursday night, Dark Waiter being fully booked, I will look very petite inside my astronaut suit when meeting Mr P. How can I create the weightlessness around me to really make the point?)
Women are always right
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you? That women are going the right direction.
søndag den 24. maj 2009
Help!
No money for liposuction, no time to go to hairdresser and no burka to find anywhere. I am really in trouble for Thursday’s date with Mr P. Or am I…? I guess I can always change our dinner reservation from Custom House to Dark Waiter (the restaurant where you dine in complete darkness).
So I won’t pick up Mr P at the hotel as I promised but meet him at the restaurant; he will never see me. PERFECT!
Ideal place for a blind date.
So I won’t pick up Mr P at the hotel as I promised but meet him at the restaurant; he will never see me. PERFECT!
Ideal place for a blind date.
Turkish tales
Having been totally lost in the world of Pamuk, I can finally concentrate in other things in my life. I have just finished “The silent house”, WHAT A WONDERFUL BOOK! This is no recommendation as I expect people to be like me; I never read anything people recommend me. Quite the contrary, if someone says “You just have to read this book”, I will definitely not touch it.
I wonder when my daughter finds out how my reading preferences work and starts saying, “Mom, you just have to read my diary.”
I wonder when my daughter finds out how my reading preferences work and starts saying, “Mom, you just have to read my diary.”
fredag den 22. maj 2009
Ticket to heaven
My husband is driving me crazy. At the moment every other sentence coming out of his mouth has something to do with FOOTBALL. The rest coming out of his mouth is even more incomprehensible, and that I pay no attention to (“Bla bla bla, browser, bla bla, kilobytes, megabytes, gigabytes, bla bla, net framework…”).
Albert Camus is supposed to have said “All that I know most surely about morality and obligations, I owe to football". What? Explains at least why his name is connected with absurdism. There are certainly many useless lives, but the most useless one must be the one being a football player.
I can imagine Beckenbauer knocking on the heaven’s door, and God asks him:
“So Franz, what have you accomplished on earth?”
“Well, I have been running after a ball for 50 years.”
“And you call that for an achievement? While people have been locked up for years at Guantanamo without trial, you have just been kicking a ball? Back to earth and this time do accomplish something.”
And God gives Franz a broom to bring along back to earth.
Reborn Cannavaro?
Albert Camus is supposed to have said “All that I know most surely about morality and obligations, I owe to football". What? Explains at least why his name is connected with absurdism. There are certainly many useless lives, but the most useless one must be the one being a football player.
I can imagine Beckenbauer knocking on the heaven’s door, and God asks him:
“So Franz, what have you accomplished on earth?”
“Well, I have been running after a ball for 50 years.”
“And you call that for an achievement? While people have been locked up for years at Guantanamo without trial, you have just been kicking a ball? Back to earth and this time do accomplish something.”
And God gives Franz a broom to bring along back to earth.
Reborn Cannavaro?
torsdag den 21. maj 2009
"Livsnyder"
Someone wondered how come I know so many things about football. Well, it is simply because I am a passive livsnyder. You know, like being a passive smoker; I watch passively by while my husband enjoys life.
(Short but fun life?)
(Short but fun life?)
onsdag den 20. maj 2009
Melancholia
When a loved one dies, you can either cry the rest of you life or try to fill the void with the strangest things. Stupid things that leave you with emptiness worse than losing the loved one.
Instead you should try things like chain-smoking a package of Partagas. Makes you so sick you will only cry because of the physical nausea.
Instead you should try things like chain-smoking a package of Partagas. Makes you so sick you will only cry because of the physical nausea.
How to lose 150 kilos in one week
How? I don’t know but if you do, tell me. MR P IS COMING!
Well, I have many kaftans and jellabas from my time in Morocco; I am going to wear one of those. Or should I buy a burka?
(So nice to see you again. What, cannot see me? I can see you.)
Well, I have many kaftans and jellabas from my time in Morocco; I am going to wear one of those. Or should I buy a burka?
(So nice to see you again. What, cannot see me? I can see you.)
tirsdag den 19. maj 2009
What happened to romance?
When did romance die, or has it ever existed outside my world of fiction? Why are husbands (or any men) so unromantic? Was Pushkin or Baudelaire that romantic in real life? Probably not, I guess they also suggested their wives to watch football when the kids spent an evening at grandparents’.
Maybe Juan Antonio (alias Javier Bardem) in Vicki Cristina Barcelona was right when he said “Only unfulfilled love can be romantic”. A few days ago a wonderful guy in moment of over 20 years’ old nostalgia wrote to me: “Remember the last night I drove you home? I just knew that now the woman of my life walked away .”
Vive l’amour inachevé if that’s all there is!
Maybe Juan Antonio (alias Javier Bardem) in Vicki Cristina Barcelona was right when he said “Only unfulfilled love can be romantic”. A few days ago a wonderful guy in moment of over 20 years’ old nostalgia wrote to me: “Remember the last night I drove you home? I just knew that now the woman of my life walked away .”
Vive l’amour inachevé if that’s all there is!
mandag den 18. maj 2009
How do you want to die?
I guess in my sleep, peacefully, dreaming of George Clooney. I know that I don’t want to get strangled or drowned; this is why I always keep a certain distance to my husband and lock the bathroom door when I take a bath.
I also know that I wouldn’t like to die like Eero Antikainen, the former Finnish union boss. He got trapped in his sofa bed in a hotel room in Stockholm; the sofa bed locked in with Eero inside and as a result he suffocated to death.
(A murder weapon? I must buy one for the next time my mother-in-law stays overnight.)
I also know that I wouldn’t like to die like Eero Antikainen, the former Finnish union boss. He got trapped in his sofa bed in a hotel room in Stockholm; the sofa bed locked in with Eero inside and as a result he suffocated to death.
(A murder weapon? I must buy one for the next time my mother-in-law stays overnight.)
fredag den 15. maj 2009
Football again
I can’t help wondering what the big deal about football is. I just don’t get it, grown up men watching lazily strolling football players for 90 something minutes; makes me sleepy. Watching football is about the most boring thing one can do, just next to queuing at supermarket or being a hamster.
As my husband time to time watches football, I might follow the game a little bit. And I think I begin to understand why men like football, it is just slow enough for them to follow. That men never listen to what we women say to them isn’t because they don’t want to listen, they just can’t keep up with female speed of thinking.
Guys watching, playing or commenting football are all crazy, just see/hear this one (thanks cousin):
As my husband time to time watches football, I might follow the game a little bit. And I think I begin to understand why men like football, it is just slow enough for them to follow. That men never listen to what we women say to them isn’t because they don’t want to listen, they just can’t keep up with female speed of thinking.
Guys watching, playing or commenting football are all crazy, just see/hear this one (thanks cousin):
Handbags and genetic heritage
I have often wondered if I genetically really am a child of my parents. I have absolutely nothing in common with them, or at least very few things that can also be plain accidental. I might have inherited my dad’s passion for books and driving fast, but nothing at all from my mom. Or… the content of the handbag maybe?
My mom’s handbag contains everything a woman will ever need. Or in general anything anyone including aliens and Tom Cruise would ever need. If she was driving a late night in the desert searching for a place to sleep, well, she could just stop and build a cottage herself with the content of her handbag.
My handbag wasn’t like that for 20 years ago; it has grown considerably during the years. In fact in my early twenties I guess I didn’t even bring a handbag along. When I went out Friday night, I probably only carried around my keys (on a request of my neighbors who didn’t like to be woken up at 03.00 am because I didn’t have my keys with me), a condom and a lip gloss on my pocket. If I was on my feministic mood (in the beginning of the month), I also took a little bit money with me, in the end of the month I was very susceptible for offered drinks instead.
So what went wrong? Why is my handbag now the size of my daughter and weighing 20 kilos? Am I becoming my mom? Her handbag is also the size of her daughter (me) and weighing 150 kilos.
My mom’s handbag contains everything a woman will ever need. Or in general anything anyone including aliens and Tom Cruise would ever need. If she was driving a late night in the desert searching for a place to sleep, well, she could just stop and build a cottage herself with the content of her handbag.
My handbag wasn’t like that for 20 years ago; it has grown considerably during the years. In fact in my early twenties I guess I didn’t even bring a handbag along. When I went out Friday night, I probably only carried around my keys (on a request of my neighbors who didn’t like to be woken up at 03.00 am because I didn’t have my keys with me), a condom and a lip gloss on my pocket. If I was on my feministic mood (in the beginning of the month), I also took a little bit money with me, in the end of the month I was very susceptible for offered drinks instead.
So what went wrong? Why is my handbag now the size of my daughter and weighing 20 kilos? Am I becoming my mom? Her handbag is also the size of her daughter (me) and weighing 150 kilos.
torsdag den 14. maj 2009
Kinsey report
As a natural consequence of my obsession of beautiful women, I remembered the Kinsey report.
According to Kinsey, a very few people in fact belong to the extremes, 0 and number 6. Makes me really laugh when I think about the many homophobic guys I know. We women in the contrary are definitely more relaxed about our sexuality.
And I wonder…Probably women just have to put up with men because we suffer under God given urge for propagation. If we didn’t have that instinct, I guess we couldn’t use men for anything; we would need to kill them as needless creatures.
According to Kinsey, a very few people in fact belong to the extremes, 0 and number 6. Makes me really laugh when I think about the many homophobic guys I know. We women in the contrary are definitely more relaxed about our sexuality.
And I wonder…Probably women just have to put up with men because we suffer under God given urge for propagation. If we didn’t have that instinct, I guess we couldn’t use men for anything; we would need to kill them as needless creatures.
Waldo’s people
tirsdag den 12. maj 2009
God is so not dead
God might not have given me a body that stays slim after 30 something, talent to get a Nobel Prize, great sex life or lot of money. But who cares? God gave me my best buddy Kimmo, who accepts me as I am, with all my moral eclipses, and still keeps loving me. And he even anticipates my stupid behaviour…Every girl deserves a guy like Kimmo as a best buddy. But he is mine, and I will never let him go!
PS. Busy with golf…? Well, as long as I am number 2 priority (before the boat, wife and kids?).
Grades
In Denmark there is a totally weird system for school grades. You can get characters from -3 (the worst one) to 12 (the best one). How is it possible to be worse than 0? I mean, when you know absolutely nothing, then you are a zero, a nul, aren't you?I guess -3 must be a consequence for being so bad that the censor got a nervous breakdown or committed suicide.
So sorry…
Best buddies should tolerate the worst of each other, but one week’s silence from Kimmo makes me doubt. I guess the disappointment that I still act as stupidly as I did for 20 years ago has made him to go to the woods and kill a bear with his bare hands.
(Thanks JB for introducing Feist)
(Thanks JB for introducing Feist)
Football and anger management
Everyone who knows my husband thinks he is a nice and easygoing guy, someone who couldn’t hurt a fly. Let me tell you, he isn’t that calm at all. He has a lot of anger inside, and while I use the cashier at Netto or my daughter’s horse to get outlet for my anger, my husband uses the family football.
We play often football in the evening in our garden and the first 15 minutes are always a lot of fun and laughing. But then the game turns into terrible violence. At some point our football looks more like American wrestling; we have no rules and red card is something you get if you try to wipe off your nose with a postcard. My nice and easygoing husband has a fanatic look in his eyes when he jumps on me. “Come on, I don’t even have the ball!” I shout, and as soon as I get up, I get his elbow in my stomach.
Frustrated I attack my daughter and maybe beating kids isn’t allowed in Denmark, but family football is no-mans land. After my daughter I beat up my son; “Mom, we are in the same team!” “I just train you up to resist dad and your sister, son.” At this point my husband is enjoying just watching the violence, and then, when he least expects it, he gets my knee in his crotch.
My husband might one day leave me for a younger model, but he will never be dad again.
(The biggest fools in international football or shore training in synchronized swimming?)
We play often football in the evening in our garden and the first 15 minutes are always a lot of fun and laughing. But then the game turns into terrible violence. At some point our football looks more like American wrestling; we have no rules and red card is something you get if you try to wipe off your nose with a postcard. My nice and easygoing husband has a fanatic look in his eyes when he jumps on me. “Come on, I don’t even have the ball!” I shout, and as soon as I get up, I get his elbow in my stomach.
Frustrated I attack my daughter and maybe beating kids isn’t allowed in Denmark, but family football is no-mans land. After my daughter I beat up my son; “Mom, we are in the same team!” “I just train you up to resist dad and your sister, son.” At this point my husband is enjoying just watching the violence, and then, when he least expects it, he gets my knee in his crotch.
My husband might one day leave me for a younger model, but he will never be dad again.
(The biggest fools in international football or shore training in synchronized swimming?)
mandag den 11. maj 2009
Angry like….
I read this sentance today, something Noel G has said about his brother Liam G:
“He is angry like a man with a fork in a world of soup.”
It is simply too funny! I got inspired:
Angry like a hungry Muslim in a world of pigs.
Angry like Bill Gates with Silverlight 2 in a world of Amish people.
Angry like Tom Cruise with need to chat in a world of normal people.
Angry like God in a world of Nietzsche.
Angry like Putin with a gun in his hand in a world of uncorrupt people.
Angry like a woman without a gun in her hand in a world of pigs (rhetorically speaking, I mean men).
“He is angry like a man with a fork in a world of soup.”
It is simply too funny! I got inspired:
Angry like a hungry Muslim in a world of pigs.
Angry like Bill Gates with Silverlight 2 in a world of Amish people.
Angry like Tom Cruise with need to chat in a world of normal people.
Angry like God in a world of Nietzsche.
Angry like Putin with a gun in his hand in a world of uncorrupt people.
Angry like a woman without a gun in her hand in a world of pigs (rhetorically speaking, I mean men).
søndag den 10. maj 2009
Bringing up Baby
David: Now it isn't that I don't like you, Susan, because after all, in moments of quiet I'm strangely drawn toward you, but well, there haven't been any quiet moments.
lørdag den 9. maj 2009
Argumentations
I met an Israeli girl the other day and as she seemed to be a nice person, I wanted to hear her opinion about the conflict in Israel. Her sweet appearances changed to a total aggressivity:“
“You in the West know nothing, the media knows nothing. But I know!”
Terrified of her reaction, I changed the subject. We went on discussing hair. Later I thought that I in fact like this kind of argumentation. If she knows, then I cannot know and there can't possibly be anything to discuss about.
World would be a much more peaceful place if everybody just talked about hair.
(Or is Netanyahu pissed because the Palestinians made fun of his receding hairline?)
“You in the West know nothing, the media knows nothing. But I know!”
Terrified of her reaction, I changed the subject. We went on discussing hair. Later I thought that I in fact like this kind of argumentation. If she knows, then I cannot know and there can't possibly be anything to discuss about.
World would be a much more peaceful place if everybody just talked about hair.
(Or is Netanyahu pissed because the Palestinians made fun of his receding hairline?)
Changing roles
Having been away from home for quite a many days, my husband has proved that he in fact is capable of taking care of the house and the kids. So now I will change the roles in our family.
My husband will from now on take care of the following duties, which somehow always have been my responsibility:
Cleaning incl. taking care of the wardrobes and closets, changing bed linen, cooking, polishing the windows, polishing the silver ware, taking care of the garden incl. lawn moaning, laundry, making kids' lunch boxes, ironing, preparing the monthly heavy garbage, maintenance painting around the house, grocery shopping, any shopping concerning inventory to home, buying kids’ clothes, preparing kids’ clothes for summer/winter, repairing kids’ clothes, maintenance of garden furniture, packing for holidays, preparing the house for holidays, vacuum cleaning the car, tidying up the garage and the storage, taking care of the kids’ dentist and health check appointments, buying presents for Christmas, visits and birthdays, organizing family’s social life.
I will instead take over my husband’s duties:
Reading the electric meter once a year.
My husband will from now on take care of the following duties, which somehow always have been my responsibility:
Cleaning incl. taking care of the wardrobes and closets, changing bed linen, cooking, polishing the windows, polishing the silver ware, taking care of the garden incl. lawn moaning, laundry, making kids' lunch boxes, ironing, preparing the monthly heavy garbage, maintenance painting around the house, grocery shopping, any shopping concerning inventory to home, buying kids’ clothes, preparing kids’ clothes for summer/winter, repairing kids’ clothes, maintenance of garden furniture, packing for holidays, preparing the house for holidays, vacuum cleaning the car, tidying up the garage and the storage, taking care of the kids’ dentist and health check appointments, buying presents for Christmas, visits and birthdays, organizing family’s social life.
I will instead take over my husband’s duties:
Reading the electric meter once a year.
fredag den 8. maj 2009
I hate…
I hate DVD extra material. If the film is bad, why on earth bother to see more crap about it? And if the film is good, it just spoils the spell, doesn't it?
(The second biggest disappointment this year.)
(The second biggest disappointment this year.)
Opposites
If one should describe the total opposite of me, it could be a tall and thin Afro-American male, reading John Grisham and watching Jean-Claude Van Damme movies.But it is not, the total opposite of me is my mom. And the opposites don’t complement one another; they bring the worst out of each other.
torsdag den 7. maj 2009
Coffee to lesbianity
You might have thought that I am paranoid, but now I am quite sure of my case.
I had my coffee date with the high society girl today, and after ordering the lattes at the counter, I said that it will be my treat. My new friend said:
“Well, then I will pay next time. Or you would maybe like to come and see how I live?”
“Yeah, sure….”
I had my coffee date with the high society girl today, and after ordering the lattes at the counter, I said that it will be my treat. My new friend said:
“Well, then I will pay next time. Or you would maybe like to come and see how I live?”
“Yeah, sure….”
tirsdag den 5. maj 2009
How to become a billionaire
I have a plan. I will never need to put my feet in the office again and I will live happily ever after. The tricky part is that I need my husband’s help and he doesn’t believe in my plan (reason 1003 to become lesbian).
My husband works for a big international hotel chain with a huge potential network of influencal people. If he now becomes buddies with the person in charge for the global room decoration and gets this person to buy my paintings to all hotels, my economic troubles are over.
My husband works for a big international hotel chain with a huge potential network of influencal people. If he now becomes buddies with the person in charge for the global room decoration and gets this person to buy my paintings to all hotels, my economic troubles are over.
78.000 rooms worldwide, a friendly price of 1500 Euros per painting, that makes 117.000.000 Euros.
Maybe the final result of 117.000.000 Euros can change his “In the name of God, I could never promote your pornographic paintings of naked women!” to “Who wouldn’t buy your sensual paintings of beautiful women?”
(Where's my Strawberry Margarita?)
mandag den 4. maj 2009
Paris, la ville de l’amour or 1002 reasons to become lesbian
Anything coming up right now can always be excused by 120 hours sleep deficit. Having spent last week endless hours in Parisian nightlife, I now have two new reasons why any woman should become lesbian in addition to the well known 1000 reasons covering all the male disadvantages (1. Men are pigs, 2. Men are inconsiderate, 3. Men are lazy, 4. Men are selfish, 5. Men are unromantic, 6. Men are depressing etc etc etc).The two new reasons:
1001. Nadia, or women simply smell better.
1002. Audrey, or there is maybe better chance amongst women.
Well, that explains my lacking success amongst men!
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