Torture by words

I had planned to stop this nonsense as I shouldn’t have time for blogging anymore. My friend Vips hasn’t given up and found a maybe interested publisher for my great idea of children’s travel books, again. I should be excited, but have I proceeded with my book? No. How have I settled with my urge to write then? Writing plenty of obscure e-mails.

I figured I cannot go on with this anymore. I have eventually a need to write stupid things, but no one has sinned that badly they deserve my personal mails.

First offer was Olivier, being a part of my survey “What does it take to turn a guy off”. I have written him a couple of stupid mails, but little have they helped. So I decided to tell him how I didn’t really believe in his Jewish God, and introduced him instead to my philosophy of life, shortly put as La vie est plus facile pour un chameau (Life is easier for a camel). To spice it up a little bit I mentioned about my obsession of naked women and ended my mail calling him an apple pie, "Je t’embrasse très fort, ma tarte aux pommes". Well, if this doesn’t work, I guess I can always invite him to accompany me on the yearly Nazi ball.



Then I found out that I had run out of Finnish chocolate, and had to get in touch with Mr P, too. While inviting him over to bring me some chocolate, I wrote him how women should always have younger lovers as young guys are physically tenacious and grateful for older women’s experience. First of all, what could I possibly know about that, and secondly, why would Mr P care???? It is like telling an Eskimo about the importance of taking malaria pills. Unless Mr P has gone through sex exchange operation, and this in fact I couldn’t know. First turning from world’s best kisser to a gay guy, so stepping to another sex isn’t maybe that far away after all.

Today I got a mail from my ex-favorite hetero guy at work, the one who left us in November. He was complaining about how it was hard to get the ends to meet his new work being so far away. I suggested he turned into escort business instead, then he could decide himself how much and when he wants to work. Thinking about how easy it would be to get clients with his good looks, I offered to manage his calendar, and we would both get rich and happy. I guess I will never hear from him again and this even without mentioning of (only thinking about) offering myself too if any beautiful female client would request threesomes.

So I guess it is better to blog. I could also start writing my children’s books or use the time at office for actual work. Yes, the last sentence was a joke.