Angry Palestinians, listen up!

No suicide bombings this week, my Jewish boy is attending a wedding in Israel!

In fact I thought that Olivier was dead as I haven’t heard from him for a while. When I don’t hear from people for a long time I expect them to be dead as I cannot see any other reasons for people ignoring me. So evidently I wrote back that I was happy him being alive, still at least, never knowing what happens when one travels to Tel Aviv. I did not write him about the statistical fact that Jewish wedding parties are a favourite goal for angry Palestinian willing to blow themselves in thousands of pieces.

I like wedding parties, unfortunately there is no one around me getting married. But if there were parties for divorces, I would be busy all week-ends.

PS. I am sure some people have big divorce celebrations. Like Heather Mills…well done girl, even with just one leg!

Career choices

I went to the season opening at DR concert hall last night, hm...made me think. It wasn’t Rachmaninoff, nor Liguti that made me philosophic but watching the members of the orchestra; once again I felt that I have made some bad career choices in my life. I would very much like to go through life with minimal effort still having a comfortable life, and seeing people succeeding in this pisses me off.

No, I would for nothing in the world be the hard working conductor who was jumping up and down so energetically that I expected him to get a heart attack any minute. Instead I would very much like to be the CYMBAL player. Do you know how hard he worked during the 2 hour concert? Exactly 6 seconds. I might not be fair now; it also took some time to prepare the act; take the cymbals up, wait for the fatal sign, PAM, and put the cymbals back to the rack again. So in fact the 6 times he clashed the cymbals together during the evening were a result of hard work of 66 seconds.

Being a cymbal player beats even being an assistant referee in football.


PS. Go DECO (the best football player in the world)!

Schopenhauer sucks

Schopenhauer (1788-1860) was a fool without comparison; he claimed that women are by nature meant to obey and that humans shouldn’t fall for hedonism. But what is there in life if not trying to find pleasure in things we do?

No, we should definitely go after pleasure, the problem is staying in the moment long enough to enjoy it before starting to want more.

Like today. It has been a wonderful day, I have been chatting with Søren Stryger about the motivational speaker business. I should be thrilled but all I can think about is when will I get a client who can afford George Clooney.

Birthday!

Despite the 42 years disappointments, I keep believing that something wonderful could happen on my birthday. So this morning at the office, a black guy dressed in handyman clothes enters. He comes to my desk and begins to take his jacket off:

“Hello, I am David”

“My God, did the girls get me a stripper for my birthday!!

“What? I came to put up the new radiator.”

“Oh, I thought you were a stripper…”

He could see how disappointed I was:

“Come on, not so sad, it is your birthday!”

Then he sang Stevie Wonder’s “Happy Birthday to you” for me. Well, can’t get It all!!

PS. Today I have learned a very important lesson; there are things you can’t change, you might need to change yourself instead. As all the faithful readers know, I love white flowers and this I have been trying to tell my husband now for 20 years. So what did my husband send me today? Red flowers. From now on I will hate white flowers and love any other colour.

Germans…

I am not the only one thinking that Germans aren’t very attractive people. Even Germans themselves don’t find other Germans very desirable.

I just saw a statistics about the number of sexual partners one has through the life, and while Finns have 12,4 and Danes 9,3 partners in average, Germans find each other so repulsive that they settle with 5,8 partners.

Finding a man

I have a female colleague at work, a 37 years old single, a pretty girl, who just doesn’t seem to have any luck finding a man. She complains about never meeting anybody, and wonders where I always meet the guys I am talking about (but only talking as I am married and not promiscuous). It is a fact that one most often finds a partner through work, and even this is not possible at our office as we only have girls and gay guys, I must say that amongst our clients there are always many handsome rich guys; a very good potential for boyfriends and maybe future husbands. And for promiscuous married women, good potential for global lovers.

So why doesn’t Miss B find a man amongst the clients? Is the answer her having the German market? I agree that Germans are weird and not very attractive, but there are exceptions. I remember having 30 gorgeous German architects in Stockholm a couple of years ago. So gorgeous that I didn’t need any sleep in four nights but preferred to entertain them with Miss K at Café Opera, Berns and Spybar until early morning hours. Gosh how I sometimes love my work!

But if Miss B doesn’t want a Nazi* guy, there are still men all over the places in the fairytale land of Denmark! You find them when you are paying for your latte at a café, when you are waiting for the red light to change, when you are queuing at the supermarket. Just the past week I have met three very attractive guys, guys that could have been quite perfect for Miss B or any single girl looking for a man.

First I met a terribly handsome acupuncturist in my very own little village. He was so hot that if there was a world championships for the hottest acupuncturist in the universe, he would win without doubt. He gave me his phone number and told me to call him as soon as I find out a defect I want to be cured.

Then the other day I met an awfully nice architect, so nice that if there were world championships for the nicest bla bla bla….. I don’t usually pay attention to guys’ eyes but Mr Architect had such blue eyes that I couldn’t help wondering how blue eyes our kids could have had as I do too have BLUE eyes. He also had the weirdest business card ever; I had to ask him to buy me a new bag where his business card could fit in.

Yesterday while paying for a book in a book store, there was a very cute guy behind me in the queue. It took me exactly two minutes to find out that we had some common interests and to get him to introduce himself.

God is evil, this we know, putting a lot of cute guys on my way, me not being available, but not giving a single one to Miss B. So I should help her, yes, I must pass on my three new contacts to Miss B right away. I can’t stand her coming over and wanting my Jewish boy; I have told her that if I cannot have him, neither can she. There is a limit to my sister solidarity.

But Miss B, how about an architect with world’s biggest business card?

*No offense Germans but you did kill quite many Jews during WW2. And now the Jews are beating the hell out of Palestinians. Join my Facebook group “Give Lapland to Palestinians!”

Conversation with a German client

“I need a motivational speaker for the evening, a sportsman. I think the famous football player Søren Lerby would be great.”
.
“Søren who? Cant’ be that famous, I have never heard of him. How about Laudrup the younger? Or the racer guy Tom Kristensen? No, now I know! I will get you the handball player Søren Stryger.”
.
“I don’t want a handball but a football player, I want this Lerby guy.”
.
“I am sure Stryger can also play football. A ball is a ball, a Søren is a Søren.”
.
“I don’t want Stryger, I want Lerby.”

Googling……

“Heavens, this Lerby guy lives in Holland, how the hell am I going to track him down? No way, I am not gonna waste time on him. You get Søren Stryger, he lives close by my house.”

“I want Lerby!”

“Jesus, can’t you hear how irritating you are, you Nazi….”

“What did you say???”

“Oh, just how incredibly NICE you are….”



She is right, Søren is not just a Søren!