Proust!

My favourite top three hate things in life until November 2013:

1.Orthopedic sandals
2. Boy bands
3. Cold pasta

My favourite top three hate things in life from December 2013:

1.Orthopedic sandals
2. Boy bands
3. PROUST

The biggest conspiracy of all times?

Did you know that Hitler Jugend was founded the 04. July in 1926? This is not the only co-incidence the American history has with Nazism, can you see what and the Nazis and the Statue of liberty have in common:

Déjà vu!

For more than 20 years ago my Jewish boyfriend Frank was so anxious to see me that he forgot to fill gas on his car. On his way from Paris to Biarritz he ran out of gas, had to walk 1000 kilometers to the nearest gas station, but he made it, we got to spend 3 hours together before I had to leave the sweet life of the Bay of Biscay.

For a month ago I was in Paris, and as always, my Jewish boy Olivier invited me out. This time he wanted to show me Paris by night, and yes, Paris by night was as wonderful as for 20 something years ago. But then, at 02.00 in the morning, my Jewish boy ran out of gas. “Well, fortunately you have a hybrid car, you can always drive on the battery, can't you?”

BUT THERE WAS NO ELECRTICITY LEFT EITHER! My Jewish boy is a man so there was no need for sister solidarity. I went back to my hotel, and gave him the pleasure of finding a taxi and a gas station that was open by himself. He got home 2 hours later.

What are the odds to run out of gas and electricity at once? Hey, let's make this even harder, what are the odds of running out of gas and electricity TWICE in one month?

My Jewish boy called me the other day and told that he again had run out of gas and electricity on his hybrid Prius. Gosh, I thought that he was a very intelligent young man, what on earth can be the reason that he keeps running out of gas and electricity while having a company Total card in his wallet?

For my Jewish boy I am the funniest girl he has ever known, maybe this is his attempt to be funny, too. Well, he succeeded, I laughed and called him funny. Or did I say ridicule?

Expert comments

The other day on the radio there was an interview with a children’s psychiatrist who had researched children’s suicides for 8 years. After the 8 years of researching she had come to a conclusion that the reason why children commit suicides is loneliness and bullying.

8 years!!!!!!!

I have just applied funding for a 7 year project “Why do people prefer to wear left foot shoe on left foot and right foot shoe on the right foot”.

More burka or How to get rid of your husband, part 2

Danes are again discussing some of the very essentials topics in the society; should we forbid the use of burka in public. I couldn't care less what people are wearing, but there is one thing that is interesting in the new legislation proposal. Anyone forcing someone to wear burka can risk up to 4 years of prison.

From tomorrow I will start wearing a burka and say that my husband forces me to wear it. As none of us is a Muslim, the Danes will be totally outraged. My husband will probably get a couple of extra years on top of the 4, see you in 2016, honey!

9 vs 11 cm

Any girl knows that size matters; there is a huge difference between the tiny two centimeters, going from 9 to 11 centimeters.

Any guy who doesn’t get this, well, you should try yourself!

For years I have sworn that 9 cm is just the right size for me; it guarantees the ultimate satisfaction by giving me the perfect balance and making me feel very feminine.

Along came a Jewish boy and made me change my mind. Now I am definitely a 11 cm girl, and a happy owner of Jimmy Choos. Amongst the possible models, the Jewish boy chose these ones:

Men, hommes, miehet, mænd!

I like to take long walks in the evening whenever I have time. The other day my husband wondered if I went to meet someone on my walks. Heavens! He never wonders about my Paris trips even I tell him about the fantastic restaurant Olivier took me to. He doesn’t worry at all even I just have been to Africa for 3 weeks camping with 6 Italian guys. But if I am seeing someone in my little village!

(Just like MY village people, yeah, my husband should be worried!)

Back on blogging!

Why write a lot of nonsense on one’s blog, when you can have a Jewish boy reading all your nonsense and hear him laughing all the way from Paris to Copenhagen? It is called grateful audience and it is very difficult for a girl let go when she finally finds a man who understands her humour.

I couldn’t help trying to find out if my dear Olivier is a man behind his words, “….quand je rencontre une femme comme toi, je donne tout ». I already had asked him to bring me a Statue of Liberty from New York, which he did without any complaints. When I left for Africa, missed my flight to Burkina Faso and stranded in Paris, I called the Jewish boy to come and rescue me from airport suicide, and what does he do? He brings me a box of chocolate from La Maison du Chocolat (any sucker who never heard about this, it is the best chocolate in the world!), and suddenly the one day delay for my Africa adventure wasn’t that bad at all.

When I got back home, I decided to go a step further. I asked the too-much-travelling Olivier to get me a pair of Jimmy Choo boots next time he is out of town. He had to admit that these boots were indeed very, very beautiful (not only he understands my humour, he also shares my taste in shoes!), but that HE WOULD NEVER PAY 750 EUROS FOR A PAIR OF BOOTS. What? He is single and has a great job, what is 750 Euros for him? I had even made him a budget; if I come to Paris 3 times in 2010 and he invites me out for dinner every time à 250 Euros = 750 Euros = Jimmy Choo Boots (but no dinners).

I guess it is just a matter of principles. I would neither NEVER pay 750 Euros for a liter of gasoline.



(The most beautiful boots in the world!)

« Tu es vraiment très drôle, j'adore! »

No, it wasn’t my mother-in-law who said it. When I am funny she lifts her eyebrows and asks loudly if I am drunk.

Still, the weirdest couples, the most wonderful duets…

Money for nothing……and chicks for free?

I have spent 2000 kr for vaccinations and malaria pills today, and I haven’t even left the country yet! I am so mad, and I let my Jewish boy feel my anger.

My Jewish boy is a pharmacist, he is very aware of the medical costs and also of my economic situation being always interested in what kind of shoes I have been buying lately. So I wrote him today that he should have warned me about the cost of the medical preparations for my Africa voyage. And I told him that knowing this, he should have given me the choice of choosing between the expensive dinner or taking the money he spent at the restaurant in cash instead. If I had known the vaccinations being a total rip off, I could have settled with eating a Big Mac and kept the 200 Euros for myself.



Gerald, adorable!!!!

Très chère...

...c'est encore moi!

Paris, la ville de l’amour or 4 reasons to go out with younger men

1) In attempt to impress the older woman, the young boy will take you to a very fancy and expensive restaurant.

2) If you ask the young boy to bring you a Statue of liberty from New York, he won’t for one second wonder why, but just do as you ask. If a lady wants a Statue of liberty, she is going to get a Statue of liberty! My son is also a young boy and he won’t for one second wonder why I bring him a Statue of liberty from Paris.

3) Young boys are tenacious. Even if he has just arrived from NYC in the morning, been at work the whole day and not slept in 24 hours, he will keep you company as long as you wish to profit his Carte Bleue.

4) You can be as serious or weird as you want, it will only be considered as funny. Though I wish that my Jewish boy for once would take me seriously when I ask him to fix me up with one of his quite wealthy uncles. I realized that the sweet Olivier after all isn’t the love of my life, but I am quite sure one of his uncles is.

PS. Is is totally impolite to ask a guy to define "quite" wealthy?

Belle Blonde aux yeux marines...

...oui, c'est moi!

Tour de….trois villages

I love biking but I have always said that I would for nothing in the world participate Tour de France. Today I changed my mind, I wished that I had been in Tour de France and not on my usual Tour de trois villages. My bicycle punctured, and I had to walk 8 km home.

If I had been in Tour de France, there had been a maintenance car right behind me fixing the bike.

Three things to do before I die

I have never driven a car in Paris, but every time I sit in a taxi around Arc de Triomphe, I feel an awful urge to ask the taxi driver to let me take over. It just seems to be such a challenge, like driving in New York or in Bangkok, and I have decided that I will face these three challenges before dying.

Next week I am going to Paris, and I count on getting down with the Paris part. The unsuspecting Olivier has invited me out and instead of meeting him at the restaurant, I asked him to come and pick me up at my hotel in his car.

Amongst all the stupid things I have managed to say to my Jewish boy, I guess nothing will surprise him any more. So when I ask him to give me the car keys as God wants so, he will immediately hand them over.

Despite the 3 billion cars at Arc de Triomphe, I am not even nervous at all. It is a company car, so who cares if I have a little accident. And even if I fuck up Olivier’s car totally, it can only be partly my fault. The circus at Arc de Triomphe is the only place in France where any accident is always 50/50.

Theories...

My French teacher said that in France it is the upper class that profits most from the health care system. Unlike her theory that the upper class is better fit to fight against the system, I could see totally different reasons for this.

According to my theory, the difference is men. We all know that men won’t go to a doctor, no matter how sick they are, it is always the wife who has to force the husband to seek for medical care. But if the woman is married to a low class, poor man, she cannot see any reason sending the husband to the doctor. Instead she hopes that the illness will kill the man so she can go and get a better husband.

But if the man is rich and successful, it is also a guarantee for a certain life standard, and of course the woman doesn’t want the husband kicking the bucket. So if the hardworking husband is showing any sign of not being able to make so much money because of an aspiring disease, the woman will definitely take care that the husband is treated immediately.

My husband is wondering about a big tumor in his neck. I keep telling him it is not a big deal.



(Please tell my husband to stop worrying, it is propably only genetic.)

I wish…

…that I was a black woman called Fatima Abdullah. Then I wouldn’t need to work, I could just say that it is impossible for me to get a job because of my skin color and the name.

Hun-Ulven-Ilsa

I guess I could make it to Guinness book of records with the weirdest nicknames; Miss Domina, Ma Petite Foie Gras and today She-wolf-Ilsa.

WHAT?

Hm…when googling for a good illustration, I found this one. NOW I UNDERSTAND! And I tried just to be funny...



PS. But even more worrying, is the guy calling me Ilsa really seeing this kind of films?

Compliments or insults?

Someone just called me “Ma petite foie gras”. Cannot figure out if this is a compliment or an insult. Am I as delicious as foie gras or fat as foie gras?

Must be the latter one. In Berlin a German lady asked me for help finding a street and I told her I was just a tourist. She said that I looked like Berlin.

And I prefer looking like Berlin and not like a Berliner. Claudia Schiffer must have a genetic default; no German girl looked like her. Rather be almost lesbian amongst beautiful Danes than real lesbian in Germany.

PS. The guy who called me “Ma petite foie gras” thinks that Claudia Schiffer looks like a horse. Boy, isn’t he weird!

Ich bin ein Berliner!

Berlin, ugly as hell, but what a cool city! Travelling is learning and again I have learned many important things after my week-end in Berlin. Here are top 5 travelling tips to Berlin:

1. Empty your husband’s wallet for Euros. If you are lucky like me, you find several hundreds of them, and don’t need to use your Visa card while shopping. This in return will impress your husband, still not aware of the missing Euros in his wallet.

2. If your travelling buddy lands a couple of hours later than you, go shopping, use all your money, and the day after you can settle being just your friend’s personal shopper.

3. Don’t empty a bottle of champagne before going to opera, Violetta’s suffering isn't suddenly that dramatic at all.

4. Do take a double espresso at the first pause at “La Traviata”. Then you can continue straight to a techno party for the rest of the night.

5. Drink in general a lot of champagne, then you can even dance to techno music.