Principles!

I have a principle, I never buy plastic bags. When I do grocery shopping, I always carry around huge IKEA shopping bags which are very practical as a whole shopping chart can be fit in two big IKEA bags making the transportation very practical (why carry around ten small plastic bags when you can carry around two huge bags weighing 260 kilos each!).

Today on the way home I had to do some emergency grocery shopping but didn’t have a plastic bag with me. I simply refuse to pay 2,50 kr for a plastic bag, so I went to a shoe store, bought a pair of boots and got a plastic bag FOR FREE to go with the boots.

Then I did my small groceries and saved 2,50 kr for not needing to buy a plastic bag.



Great...guess what my in-laws are gonna have for Christmas!

Daydreaming

On my Visa application to Burkina Faso I have to sign under that I won’t do this and that during my stay, including WORKING AS AN AU PAIR GIRL.

Hm, this is a tough one, I have always dreamt of working as an au pair girl in Burkina Faso. But I guess I have to give up realizing this dream, just as the one having sex with Hemingway.



PS. Now I have a new fantasy. I am having sex with Hemingway while I am working as an au pair girl in Burkina Faso.

Girlfriend confessions

What do you know? Not very much, not even people you thought you knew. An old friend just confessed me things that would make Lady Chatterley blush.

Nothing will ever surprise me again. If my husband tonight tells me that he is a Chinaman undergone plastic surgery in attempt to escape Mao’s secret police, I will probably only shrug my shoulders.

Marital talk

After 20 years I have barely anything to talk about WITH my husband. This is a typical conversation between us during a normal working day:

Around 6 pm

“Hello husband, did you have a nice day at work?”
“Yes wife, how about you?”
“It was fine.”

Some five hours later

“I am going to bed, good night husband.”
“Good night, wife.”

But when I go out for a coffee date with an old copain, I can talk ABOUT my husband for three hours.

PS. If my husband has left a wine prop on the table, put my bra in the tumble drier or the scissors in the wrong drawer, the daily conversation is supplemented by a short monologue from my side. I don't think my husband is listening or is he just extremely stupid making the same mistakes again and again?

How to tell a person is a Jew

I don’t’ know what this business about the Jews is in my life at the moment. First my French Jewish boy, then a friend telling he started studying French Jewish literature, and the guy I went to the DR season opening with turned out to be Jew, too (and I have known him for 10 years without knowing!).

I remember when I was an aupair girl in Versailles and told my host family about Frank for the first time. When they heard his family name, they said right away “Oh, he is Jewish!” When I got back to Finland, I showed a friend of mine some pictures of Frank, and she promptly said “My God, he is a Jew!” How could they know just by the name and the looks? I had to sleep with him to find out.

Today I am some wiser than for 20 years ago, now I could tell my concert pal being a Jew just by hearing his mom’s maiden name, Katz.

But how I found out that Olivier is Jewish, that I haven’t the faintest idea of. I must have commented while sharing mojitos with him at 4 o’clock in the morning that thank God the Jews killed Jesus so I can sit there and sin at least for one more hour.



(One of the pictures of Frank I showed to my friend)

Drop your Prozac!

Feeling depressed, fat and ugly? There is a cure right at your hand and no need to spend millions on your shrink and Prozac. Instead do just as I do, go to ALDI supermarket. People working and making their grocery shopping there are so extremely unattractive, that you will feel like America’s next top model.

And if you also feel stupid, try socializing with the employees. You will leave the supermarket convinced about getting the Nobel Prize in chemistry one day.

My first, my last, my everything

My first LP was with Elvis Presley, in fact my first five records were with the King. While my friends were listening to Spandau Ballet or Culture Club, I cried with my early teenage heart to “Always on my mind”.

Elvis is still there, not every day, but occasionally in many moments of nostalgia.

And Elvis will be there until the end. There will be no psalms in my funeral but this one:

Dear God....

...I know it is not in my hands to decide when I have to leave this earthly paradise, but please don’t take me before January. There are simply too many good things coming up!

Berlin! No clients, no family, just me and an old friend, thousands of shoe stores, lots of giggling and La Traviata! My travel buddy said that the only concern will be chasing away all the interested guys. WHAT CENTURY IS SHE LIVING IN?

Hush concert! Even I would prefer to share this one with the Jewish boy, a good girl friend will definitely do.

Paris! And I can tell all about the concert to my Jewish boy.

Sergio! Coming to see me (bringing the wife along though, can't get it all).

Mr P! Coming to fill up my chocolate storage.

Africa! Or...? Is Gianni’s wife still threatening with divorce? What’s the big deal with one’s husband sharing a tent for a couple of weeks with la bionda finlandesa. I wouldn’t mind at all if some crazy woman took away my husband and gave me two weeks sleep free of his snoring. I would even pay a considerate amount of money if the lady wanted to keep my husband.

So God, let me have all this, and then in January you can come and get me, just in time before my French exams. To be sure that I don’t die before January, I won’t open any of my French books this fall; they beat even Hanan Ashrawi’s biography with the most boring content ever. And that would be an awful way to go, to be bored to death.

Angry Palestinians, listen up!

No suicide bombings this week, my Jewish boy is attending a wedding in Israel!

In fact I thought that Olivier was dead as I haven’t heard from him for a while. When I don’t hear from people for a long time I expect them to be dead as I cannot see any other reasons for people ignoring me. So evidently I wrote back that I was happy him being alive, still at least, never knowing what happens when one travels to Tel Aviv. I did not write him about the statistical fact that Jewish wedding parties are a favourite goal for angry Palestinian willing to blow themselves in thousands of pieces.

I like wedding parties, unfortunately there is no one around me getting married. But if there were parties for divorces, I would be busy all week-ends.

PS. I am sure some people have big divorce celebrations. Like Heather Mills…well done girl, even with just one leg!

Career choices

I went to the season opening at DR concert hall last night, hm...made me think. It wasn’t Rachmaninoff, nor Liguti that made me philosophic but watching the members of the orchestra; once again I felt that I have made some bad career choices in my life. I would very much like to go through life with minimal effort still having a comfortable life, and seeing people succeeding in this pisses me off.

No, I would for nothing in the world be the hard working conductor who was jumping up and down so energetically that I expected him to get a heart attack any minute. Instead I would very much like to be the CYMBAL player. Do you know how hard he worked during the 2 hour concert? Exactly 6 seconds. I might not be fair now; it also took some time to prepare the act; take the cymbals up, wait for the fatal sign, PAM, and put the cymbals back to the rack again. So in fact the 6 times he clashed the cymbals together during the evening were a result of hard work of 66 seconds.

Being a cymbal player beats even being an assistant referee in football.


PS. Go DECO (the best football player in the world)!

Schopenhauer sucks

Schopenhauer (1788-1860) was a fool without comparison; he claimed that women are by nature meant to obey and that humans shouldn’t fall for hedonism. But what is there in life if not trying to find pleasure in things we do?

No, we should definitely go after pleasure, the problem is staying in the moment long enough to enjoy it before starting to want more.

Like today. It has been a wonderful day, I have been chatting with Søren Stryger about the motivational speaker business. I should be thrilled but all I can think about is when will I get a client who can afford George Clooney.